I’ve been working in my current company for exactly 2 years, 4 months and 19 days now. I started as Traffic Coordinator for post production with a certain amount of salary and today, I still hold the same post (officially) with the same amount of salary. They have been polite enough to offer me to be trained to become post producer but this hasn’t been inked down on paper. Last June, I believe the training started. I was sent to all sorts of orientation so I can get acquainted more with procedures and machines. Our current post producer also sat down with me and taught me the basics of project costing. This is progress, I believe. However, I’m not so sure how this will end up since there seems to be no formality to it. No definite start and end of training. No setting of expectations after.
So, alongside training, I continue with my usual tasks. I press the open button when I hear the doorbell ring. I schedule projects. I receive materials and turn them over to our editors or engineers. I download, upload, email stuff. I escort directors, agency people and clients to their respective suites. I purchase stuff. I receive calls. I remind people of the dailies. I still get bullied by people from production. For 2 years, 4 months and 19 days, this is how I worked and in the past days, there seems to be a tug in my heart that says “enough”. My mind seems to be battling though, “How about the training? Things might get better for you after” to which another part of brain responds, “Nothing is on paper. Are you sure things will get better?” My heart furthers the conversation with, “Is this really what you want?”
It is crazy, I know and I seriously, do not have answers to this. But despite the confusion or frustration that I have today, I know only one question matters, “Is this where God wants me to be really?”
In my quiet time last night, I was struck by this verse:
“Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14
It made me ponder, “Am I actually functioning out of love?” IS MY HEART IN THIS?
And I believe, that as I seek God for answers, it is my heart that He will use. If He wants me to stay, He will remove the confusion in my heart and He will fill it with joy and love for this current work. But if He wants me to leave, I believe He will also use my heart to confirm it.
According to a friend I spoke with today who also happens to be a former colleague, If it is God’s will for me to stay, He will give it without thorns and thistles. That joy and love come with the blessing. If there’s none, then there’s no point in staying and that in fact, a loveless job may even cause others to stumble.
I will soak this more in prayer. I hope you can pray with me. 🙂