I wrestled a lot with God in terms of the jobs I end up with. I’d be honest here and say that somehow, I always end up saying, “God, this is not where I want to be.”
For years, I’ve been trying to find a job that would finally cure the incessant itch within. And so, there’s a few scratching here and there but they only gave temporary relief. At times, the scratching gets too hard; it burned.
Some of the people around me shook their heads and raised their brows on the career decisions I have made. I was all over, they said. I didn’t have a solid goal, they added.
I can no longer count the times my eyes welled up as I questioned myself, “What do you really want?” My only sure answer to that has always been, “A wife.” But then there’s always the follow-up question, “Okay aside from that, what?”
I really didn’t know or I did, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. It’s impossible. I could not afford it. It’s not practical. I’m not skilled enough.
“Blink response,” a friend nudged, “What do you want to do?”
“I want to create,” I surprised myself.
So there, I think I said it. It was an artisan itch. I dreamed of doing things with my hands – an artwork, an accessory, a card, a poster, a skirt. That’s really what I wanted to do. That was my calling and God did confirm it to me.
Quite frankly, none of the jobs I had matched it. The thing though is that I looked at them the wrong way. Instead of looking at them as a diving platform that would eventually launch me into the sea, I saw them as a locked room that suffocated me. And so when I felt like running out of breath, I’d leave the room and find another. I didn’t see that probably, the money I’m making there is what will make me afford the supplies or workshops I need. On a sadder note, I forgot that God allowed me to have those jobs. For a while, I forgot that He is sovereign and that He has reasons. I forgot that He can give a promise yet say, “But in the meantime, while you wait…”
Today, I’m three months fresh into a new job. It’s a desk job and I only get to color form fields and spreadsheets but God told me to embrace it. And now that I’ve learned to view this job as a platform, I am just excited to see how God will use it to meet my calling. For starters, I get off work early so I have spare time for arts and crafts. I also get a salary that’s decent enough to buy me the supplies I need and hey, I even get to blog about it! 🙂
God has put in us so many seeds of purpose. He desires to use us through different vehicles whether it’s art, music, media, corporate or healthcare. There are some who started walking in their calling years before they realized it. Some were great orators even though they didn’t know God would call them to preach His word. The places we move to or away from; the ministries we transition into or our of; everything works for our good despite the discomfort, the anxiety, the fear, the doubt, the answered and unanswered questions, the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent, and misunderstood….through it all He works and everything He said we will accomplish will come to pass.