To live for comfort

LEAD ME TO THE ROCK

Hi! It’s been a long time.

My life has been crazy the past five months. I left my day job after two and a half years, went back to my papa and mama’s house, did freelance work for three months, earned just enough, used up my savings, went back to condo living, had a new day job,  cried a lot over the new job, earned more than enough yet spent more that what I have, accumulated more credit card debt, left the new job just after a month, got really broke, went back to being a freelancer and earning little,  and went  back to day job hunting.

It’s been really overwhelming the past months. I’ve cried a lot because I got confused and frustrated a lot. I was 28 and I had none. No savings, no regular job, no regular income, no investments–none. I felt like I was stripped of all the comforts I used to and wished to have.

Life definitely hasn’t been great.

But God has remained good all throughout.

The past months haven’t been favorable and have made me so vulnerable. The Lord has exposed me; He has brought into light aspects of me that were long kept in the darkness.

I learned that I started to live for comfort. I tried to avoid difficulty at all cost–I just did not want to deal with it.

And so I believe that the Lord, in His wisdom, found that I needed the experience. I needed to be stripped of comfort to learn to embrace and deal with discomfort. He needed me to learn to trust Him to power me through the difficulties, because I seemed to have already forgotten.

It’s been hard. It still is hard. It still is uncomfortable. But I am relearning that it is through difficulty and discomfort–through my nakedness and powerlessness, that I can truly experience the Lord’s power.

I’m not really sure when this course will end. I’m not sure when it will start getting comfortable again; and so more than provision, I ask the Lord for peace and for joy despite the struggle. And I continue to pray through the challenging days: “From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)

 

 

 

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